Tripping through the transactions

Way back in the early days of this site, I used to do my own unusual take on the MLB transaction wire. It was mostly for my own amusement as the ratio of people who thought the posts were stupid to those who liked them was about 12 to 2. But, what else is there to do when the snow is blowing and it is six degrees outside? You have to do something when living in the frozen tundra. For old time sake and for my amusement, I bring you my own particular spin on this week's transaction wire.

• First Ibarra your pardon since this is my take when Edgar Ibarra gets signed to a minor league deal by the Angels. He hopes to barra a cup of coffee at least.
• Ryan's pitching career is officially in the Dempster. But have no fear, the man landed on his feet and Ryan Dempster will work in the Cubs' front office.
• Drew Butera is in the market for a new job as he was designated by the Dodgers. Chicago has a Butera Market so maybe he should go there. Or, since he is already in LA, he should apply at Barclay Butera. Heck, he might catch on in the furniture business.
• Ryan Lavarnway is the reason Butera lost his job. Now Ryan will have to learn the Dodgerway. While in LA, he could do a new show called Lavarnway and Shirleyway.
• Shane rode off in the sunset but Yankee fans of Shane Greene yelled, ""Shane! Come back!" Now he can say to Yankee players he didn't like, ""I hear that you're a low-down, Yankee liar."
• Meanwhile, the Yankees got Didi Gregorius. His last name reminds me of "Gregarious." But to Matthew Kory, it reminds him of Gregorian. I'll go with Matty and hope that the Yankee fans will be chanting his name. I don't think I can say, "Didi," with a straight face though and will call him, "Mariekson."
• And that's all they need in Arizona is another Robbie Ray of sunshine. But the best pun came from Diane Firstman who said on Twitter, "Diamondbacks / Tigers trade talks were Leyba intensive." That was a good one.
• In the Danish language, "Barme," means bosoms. Does that mean that the Padres have taken Clint Barmes to heart by signing him?
• On the signing of Kevin Cash as manager, one of the folks on Twitter I follow had the best line. I wish I could remember who it was, "This is the first time the Rays have used Cash to improve." Killer.
• It's a good thing he is the Cubs' new first base coach instead of a third base coach where Cubs fans could either think his decisions were Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Brandon Hyde.
• It doesn't matter if you are a Star Trek Picard man or a Kirkman as Texas signed Michael Kirkman to a minor league deal.
• It's not the same guy, but the Rangers also signed Alex Rodriguez as trainer of the AZL Rangers. Frightening to think of A-Rod as a trainer.
• Happy Braves fans are on a Markakis Island if still happy hearing recent signee, Nick Markakis, needs neck surgery.
• After the Royals agreed to terms with Luke Hochevar, they hope Luke will be a force for good in the bullpen.
• The Twins brought back Torii Hunter home. But while Torii might be a Hunter of gays because of his religion, it apparently doesn't stop him from cursing out a reporter.
• I thought the trade between Seattle and Toronto exchanging Michael Saunders for J.A. Happ was a big win for the Blue Jays and Happ-less for the Mariners.
• Speaking of the Blue Jays, they took a flyer on Justin Smoak. The fact that Justin was once considered a great prospect makes me wonder if those scouts were smoaking something funny.
• Things were not beachy for Brandon Beachy as the Braves non-tendered him.
• The Red Sox definitely left their heart for Juan Francisco as he didn't last very long on their roster.
• Apparently, the Royals did not think Francisley Bueno was bueno enough as he was non-tendered.
• The Dodgers hope Darwin Barney's offense will evolve as they signed him to a deal. But it wasn't a lot of money so the contract should not become a big dinosaur.
• The Mets will not be forever Young after trading Chris Young last year and non-tendering Eric Young, Jr. this week. But they can be for-Everth young if they sign the non-tendered Everth Cabrera to be their shortstop.
• Things were not caviar and champagne for Chaz Roe as he was non-tendered.
• And finally, a pitcher left in a David Huff as the Yankees non-tendered David Hassle Huff.

Lord, I do apologize...